I’ve Never Fit In. And I refuse to try.

The first 30 years of my life I did try. I didn’t really know any different.

I skipped slumber parties at 7 if it was the same night as 60 Minutes and at 6 I gave a political speech for Geraldine Ferraro — none of my friends knew who she was. As I grew older I could have cared less about High School drama and instead I spent the summers training as a professional water skier and I started a professional acting career when I was 4.

Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to hang with the cool kids and I did — I could hang out with anybody… I like people and so I got along with the nerds, hung out with the preps, and weekended with the dreadlocked hippy group at school.

But I never really fit anywhere. I would try. I was extremely malleable and so I would shift and change and try to be whoever I needed to in that moment — it never really worked.

• I have been overweight since I was 5.
• I have been bossy since 3.
• I have been the girl who does a little of everything forever.

I wasn’t fitting in. And I floundered between it bothering me deeply and total apathy.

Until I turned 32.

Learn About Suzanne’s Desire to NOT Fit In

Remember when Sally Field won the Oscar and squealed, “You like me. You really like me?”

Truth: Many of you are doing that in your business. Maybe it happens when you get a client; maybe at networking groups; in your Master Minds; or even in your marketing copy.

You want to be liked.
You need to be liked.

And it is keeping you broke.

I have long said I do what I do to make a difference, not to make friends and it has allowed me to be unattached to the outcomes. Martha Beck (the very wise life coach for O) says, “I love you, but I don’t care what you do.”

Brilliant!

The moment I care what you do, or I care if you like me, growth ends. You see to truly make a difference and be of service you have to be clear that the work is more important than the attention. Here is a fast track to focusing on what matters so you can make more money.

1) Get out of high school. I know it sucked for lots of people, but it is over. This is business and no one is running for prom queen. We are running for profits. The need to be the most popular might get you invited to parties, but it won’t get you rich. Time and energy in this area forces you to make bad decisions because you are in protection mode and not progress mode.

2) Be a bitch or bastard or blowhard or whatever. If you have something to say — dammit say it! Even if you think saying it will make you come off as one of those dreaded B words. Own your point of view and be willing to piss people off to have your message heard. AND you are smart — you know the difference. I don’t mean to wander around and be a bully; I mean stop caring whose feathers you might ruffle. Share you point of view!

3) Don’t get your love from your business. If you are doing what you are doing and wanting attention or fame. STOP. Just stop. You are going to be miserable or you already are miserable. Your business cannot fulfill your emptiness. It cannot give you enough attention to feel whole or special. It can bring you joy, light, or purpose, but not love.

I know for some of you this is going to feel harsh and it will feel how it feels. I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t need you to like me. I don’t need any new friends. If you do like me and we become friends — terrific. But I am not needing it or looking for it. I love you, but I do not care what you do. I will support you. I will help you. I will love you, but the moment I attach my needs of love or acceptance on you I have failed you.

Take a moment of truth — do you need people to like you? There is your money block. On the other side is freedom.

When a good friend we truly care about, makes the same damaging mistake over and over, do we just smile at them and say, “Its OK! Go ahead and keep messing up your life?” NO! We confront them with their folly so they can change.

So why are we still tolerating a coaching industry where a majority of folks barely scrape by? Why is no one confronting the industry on its wretched record of failure?

Well … somebody FINALLY is! Watch the video. And leave your comments below. I simply can’t stand by as things continue. Can you?

This is one of the articles that has taken me a while to decide to write.  I also share this information knowing that is it not the happy marketing pill magic that most people want to hear, but it is the truth and it has been on my heart and I have a sacred contract to always bring you the truth.

There are many of you going to bed at night worried, confused, and tired.  I know because you have told me and I know because I have been there.  You are taking your client’s challenges, hiccups, failures, and fears with you.  You are taking responsibility for them and just as you cannot take responsibility for their success, you cannot take responsibility for what doesn’t work.  We are responsible to our clients.  We are not responsible for our clients.

Let me say this again…

We are responsible *to* our clients, not *for* our clients.

And there are two messages here for us.  Most of us are coaches, teachers or healers AND we are clients to someone.  We are not responsible for the success or failure of others and no coach, mentor, or teacher will ever be responsible for the success of US.  And this is where it can get into some pretty tricky marketing waters… you see all of us share our client triumphs and testimonials as celebrations and announcements to the world to market our services, but the truth is…

EVERY PERSON IS 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR SUCCESS AND FAILURES

We use mentors, coaches, teachers, and practitioners to offer motivation, inspiration, strategy, support, and wisdom, but then we are left to do all the heavy lifting.  We are responsible.  We create our own destiny. Sometimes that is hard because we would rather say we signed up for the wrong program, took the wrong class, or got the wrong coach (and sometimes there are situations that are wrong – ethically, personality, or otherwise).  But, if we are to be a conscious society, a tribe of world changers, and the leaders of the global shift towards responsibility we must start now.

We are not responsible for our clients, we are responsible to them.

AND

The only person responsible for OUR success is US.

Here are some quick tips to guide you through this:

1) Find a way to clear the energy you have around clients scenarios; you need to be ready for the next client.  You need to be energized and present for the next experience. (I love using essential oils for this)

2) Remember to seek out coaches and programs that you resonate with; combine their client testimonial experiences with the energy and connection you have with their message.

3) Take full responsibility for your results.  For me, when I did this the results were faster and sweeter.

4) Be aware that you can’t help everyone.  Not every person may be a fit for you.  Not every person will be ready.

5) Love all.  Love the client relationships that work.  Love the ones that don’t.

6) Don’t worry about who gets the credit for success.  One of my mentors says, “We can all succeed if we don’t worry about who gets the credit.”

Responsibility in all we do is a cornerstone to our success, our business vision, and the impact we have on the world.

(c) 2009 Suzanne Evans

About the author:  Suzanne Evans is best known as the ‘action expert’ and has coached hundreds of solopreneurs to model her multiple six figure business. Learn how you can help more people, make more money and have more fun doing what you love by signing up for your free copy of the 5-Part Mini-Course ‘Awakening Your Authentic Entrepreneur’ at http://www.helpmorepeople.com

You have to believe in what you offer to sell what you offer.  It is the self doubt and shyness about sharing our gifts that most often keeps our rates low and new clients at bay. Every marketing tool in the world is useless without a deep knowledge and understanding that you can make a difference, what you do is needed and the gifts you have MUST be shared.

I had a client just this morning raise her rates significantly. She was scared, a little insecure, but she knew and I knew  that her value was not aligned with the lower rates and that her gifts are extraordinary. She just booked a new client at her new rate for a 3 month contract. How? Why? Belief and knowing.

Belief is when you must share what you do. You wake up in the morning and are compelled to market because your message is that important. Your ability to change outcomes is that powerful. You must embrace the knowing that people need you, they are waiting, this is your time. When you believe, your clients believe. When you believe, new clients see that and want more. When you believe, people are attracted to you and good comes through you. When you believe, marketing becomes natural and just flows.

Knowing. Knowing that it takes clearing the cobwebs and doubt in your own mind to move other people forward. Are you knowing in your services? Are you knowing that to be a leader, you must be a model? How can we truly launch others into success, healing, or movement if we are standing still? What is keeping you back from knowing that your gifts are valuable? And please here me loud and clear…if you are feeling this way, you do not need more training or education. You need a rebirth of the empowerment of just how special, unique, and transformative you are. You need a new certification, a certification of certainty–you know enough, you are enough, now go do good work.

Please don’t wait to share your gifts and help more people.  We all need you.

(c) 2009 Suzanne Evans

About the author:  Suzanne Evans is best known as the ‘action expert’ and has coached hundreds of solopreneurs to model her multiple six figure business. Learn how you can help more people, make more money and have more fun doing what you love by signing up for your free copy of the 5-Part Mini-Course ‘Awakening Your Authentic Entrepreneur’ at http://www.helpmorepeople.com