The Cycle of Quitting
There are two types of quitting:
1) Giving up
2) Walking away from something harmful or hurtful
I will be the first to tell you that business is messy and it can sting. I mean really sting sometimes, especially if you are sensitive like I am. Underneath this whip cracker exterior is someone who cares too much at times, so I often take things personally- someone leaves, someone doesn’t value your program or work and the really interesting part is… the more you serve the more that quit or complain. Phew. Breathe. It can be overwhelming. I am working on taking things less personal as it does not serve me or my clients, but it is a daily practice.
I get a bird’s eye view of – THE QUITTERS. I know some would say we should talk about the winners, but I must say I probably learn more from the quitters. The winners show up, suck up, cry, stomp, celebrate, and then rinse and repeat over and over. Every successful entrepreneur I have EVER worked with, mentored with, or been a colleague to has had the exact same formula.
The quitters are a bit more interesting. They are very creative and it is interesting where and how “quitting” shows up. Now remember the #1 reason businesses fail is people stop- yep-stop. I am thinking of writing a book on the quitters cycle because I have been watching when it starts to creep up on people and kick in. I think it would be useful for people to see a lineage of how it starts and how they might stop themselves, as well as see the difference between something needing to come to an end and just quitting.
It usually appears like this…
Second guessing ~ fear ~ blame ~ projecting ~ overwhelm ~ blame ~ action ~ (the quitting) ~ relief ~ second guessing ~ fear and over again
Fascinating, right? I am using it as a paradigm for myself to catch me and where I am falling into the cycle – you can honestly use it for anything- the gym, your business, a relationship, etc. So, I don’t want you to be a quitter…frankly, seeing people give up on their dreams daily can sometimes overwhelm me and blind me to the people actually living theirs, but I know you are out there. I know you are striving and working and living your gifts.
Here are a few tips to stay in the game, even when you would rather throw in the towel:
1) Have a clear vision of exactly what you want – relationship, money, freedom, environment, and spiritual. If you have a clear vision in writing and in your view, it is harder to let that vision go or the dream die.
2) Get real. One of my mentors says… “It is simple, but it is not easy.” Success is hard work. No one ever won the Oscar, Gold Medal, Nobel Peace Prize, or Fortune 500 by half ass showing up. And don’t fool yourself….are you thinking you are working hard or are you spending a lot of time around thinking about succeeding and processing your next step.
3) Get good advice. The people around me won’t let me quit. I have surrounded myself with a circle of influence. I have a tribe of tough and loving go-getters. A friend and coach emailed me last week and said- “hold fast- we need your confidence. Don’t stop.” That made me cry as I was reminded people were depending on me.
4) Care. I know you have gifts to share. Your life experience has value and people are meant to be transformed by your connection and your talent. Care enough to keep going. Care enough to share and keep going.
If you do what you love and you love people while you do it there is no reason to quit. Stopping is not an option. See you at the finish line!
(c) 2009 Suzanne Evans
About the author: Suzanne Evans is best known as the ‘action expert’ and has coached hundreds of solopreneurs to model her multiple six figure business. Learn how you can help more people, make more money and have more fun doing what you love by signing up for your free copy of the 5-Part Mini-Course ‘Awakening Your Authentic Entrepreneur’ at http://www.helpmorepeople.com
DON’T MISS A SINGLE POST! SUBSCRIBE NOW!
Love This Post? Read More Like This One!
COMMENTS AND OPINIONS:
-
Jimmie May 01, 2012 at 04:57Maybe people like hearing about epic fails or those who quit for the same reasons many people can’t help but rubber neck in order to watch a car accident. I think we are just curious about the Macomb by nature. There is a reason why that video series, Faces of Death is among the best selling and most watched youtube videos of all time. We can learn just as much from failure as we can from wins.
-
Reginald May 02, 2012 at 04:57
Consider a person who has the goal of quitting smoking. If he or she has developed a plan for quitting, the plan might include things like remembering to throw out all cigarettes and buying nicotine gum or a nicotine patch. These actions would support the goal of quitting. Specific tasks to be performed in the future, such as remembering to buy a nicotine patch, are called prospective memory tasks. I think goals and prospective memory are highly related.
-
Thomas May 03, 2012 at 07:22This actually fits with any kind of quitting doesn’t it? When I quit my job to go on the road with my husband who is a truck driver I went through these steps and to this day (1 year later) I am still in the second guessing stage, thinking I made the biggest mistake of my life. How do you get over this because it is driving me crazy feeling this way.
-
Michael May 03, 2012 at 07:22
Thank you Suzanne for the paradigm that you had in the article that shows the stages of quitting and how we get there and what happens afterwards. This is so accurate I thought maybe you had been spying on me the last year and took this directly from my life’s pattern’s. I just recently went through this very thing when I quit my job but not for these reasons.
-
Mary May 03, 2012 at 05:57
I think the thing to do when you are thinking about quitting is to stop and talk to someone who will understand. Quitting is just a cowards way out of things and no body wants to be a coward right? Like your mentor says “it is simple but it isn’t easy That is a really good phrase to remember. And the tip about getting good advice is like I was saying, talk to someone.
-
Mary May 03, 2012 at 05:57
Quitting is not an option, you have some really good tips here and I believe that if they are followed a lot of people are going to be successful in life and they are going to stop thinking of excuses to give up and quit at every turn that doesn’t go their way. Thank you for posting these.
-
Robert May 03, 2012 at 10:09
I can think of one instance where many people would actually benefit from a strong habit to quit. That would be in the case of those persons addicted to nicotine; I’m talking of course about smokers. I have seen some persons battle their addiction in vain, only to wind up relapsing back into their bad and destructive addiction. I know what that is like because for many years, I have battled my own demons – alcoholism.
-
Eric May 04, 2012 at 02:04
Who Says Quitters Never Win? New research finds that people who give up on unattainable goals are physically and mentally healthier than ‘bulldogs’ who persevere against all odds. The importance of knowing when to throw in the towel I guess here in America, the society is so determined to beat their competition that they often sacrifice their own health or their family’s happiness. Either way, that can’t be very healthy for anyone in the family.
-
Mable May 04, 2012 at 02:50
Suzanne, you are so right with your algorithm. There isn’t anything I have ever quit that I didn’t regret later. I quit my job for what I thought was the right reason and I have regretted it ever sense. I quit a relationship that was wonderful because it got hard and I felt I was giving up to much of myself. Quitting is a waste of precious time because then you have to start over.
-
Lewis May 04, 2012 at 02:50
I had a friend that needed to lose 50 pounds according to her doctor so that she could get pregnant and have children. She tried and didn’t succeed so she decided it wasn’t worth it and gave up. She quit because she couldn’t stop eating long enough to lose a few pounds and get the greatest gift of all, a baby. How low are we when we quit on things like that?
-
Patti May 04, 2012 at 02:50
Reginald, I think this is a different kind of quitting. To me we are talking about the kind of quitting where you start something and it gets difficult so you quit trying and walk away. So if it was related to smoking it would be more like you have your plan, it is to hard to do so you quit and start smoking again. This is the pattern we all have to stop.
-
Frankie May 04, 2012 at 02:50
Jimmie, I think you have something there because you are right people will almost kill themselves to see what has happened in a car wreck or they will go drive around after a severe storm to see all the damage. I think that people like to see epic failures because it makes them feel better about their own.
-
Bobbie May 05, 2012 at 02:12
I share a similar experience with one of the readers. I was just pacing back and forth in my room today, asking myself why I haven’t fulfilled my potential in my career and I know the answer all too well. It is because I quite focusing exclusively on the one thing that I am most passionate about. Instead, I allowed myself to become discouraged by the extremely competitive nature of my field and turned to a less fulfilling line of work.
-
Sara May 05, 2012 at 05:57
Well you have heard the saying “when the going gets tough the tough get going this is where that came from. It is so easy to just cut your ties and run then it is to face the pain and anguish that it may cause to stick it out and make it work no matter what it is, business or marriage or anything else.
-
Samuel May 05, 2012 at 05:57
I wonder why it is so easy to quit something like a marriage or a business that is going under, basically anything except those bad habits that you want to quit, then they are so difficult that you can’t. I have been thinking about this sense I read this article yesterday and it still makes no sense to me. Thank you for posting this I will continue to ponder why.
-
Sherman May 05, 2012 at 05:57
Quitting is just so much easier than sticking something out and seeing it through to the end. When people run into problems in your marriage they take the easy road and they get a divorce and start over with someone else. I could have done that myself years ago but I chose to stick it out with my husband and we are closer now than we have ever been.
-
Mozella May 05, 2012 at 05:57
Frankie, No kidding after the last tornados that went through Kansas there were people from other counties driving around getting in the way of the workers and the traffic that was trying to get back and forth to work. So does it make people feel better to see someone else fail or give up on something? Epic failures happen all the time like this.
-
Drew May 08, 2012 at 01:26
So many people give on things in their lives before they reap the benefits of sticking with it. Life is like a bottle of fine wine and the longer you stick with it and let it age the better it will be in the end. Quitting is to easy and should be avoided because you will regret it later. I have done both and I can tell you from experience stick with it.
-
Barry May 08, 2012 at 01:26
I don’t understand this concept. I have been involved in a difficult business start up that I wanted to quit numerous times and I never did, not to mention a cheating relationship. I stuck with all of them and things have turned out better than could have been imagined. Most people quit before they have a chance to see the results.
-
Thomas May 08, 2012 at 01:26
Quitting something that gets difficult is so much easier then quitting something that you need to quit doing like smoking and drugs and alcohol etc. why is that? I want to stop smoking and I have tried but I can’t find anything that works for me. But I have found that if I want to quit working out that is very easy to do.
-
Susan May 08, 2012 at 01:26
This has actually worked for me as far as the paradigm I can tell now that when I get to the overwhelmed part I need to regroup because I am getting very close to the quitting stage. I have never been a quitter but I have noticed that things are getting harder for me to handle the older I get. Thank you posting this it truly has helped.
-
Karen May 09, 2012 at 01:16
Some people who are young and inexperienced or who have just been conditioned to surrender to the push and pull of life might be conditioned to quit when the going gets tough. They see failure as a death sentence rather than an opportunity for growth. They probably are not aware of how the most successful inventor viewed failure. Ben Franklin once said, “I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
-
Phil May 12, 2012 at 10:49
I think you need thick skin to be able to get through the push and pull of business. When you are running a business, you will inevitably go through peaks and valleys, small victories and failures. And if you have too thin a skin, you are going to be riding a roller coaster of a ride as you grow your business. That can take it’s toll on you and zap your energy and your productivity.
-
Kimberly May 12, 2012 at 07:23
I have seen this same cycle or pattern of behavior several times while I was working for a start up company which was not very well managed. In fact, you usually see this sort of behavior whenever you have a manager who is not really doing a good job of managing the team members. It is in a scenario like this when people start to become defensive and uncooperative when challenges arise during the project.
